When I was young, I pulled everything apart; namely, my toys, and my Dad’s tools. I wanted to know what was inside; what made things tick. Of course I would be in trouble when my Dad would need to use his drill. He’d turn it on and nothing would happen. By the time he realized what was going on, I’d be as far away from him possible, knowing that a spanking was now on the agenda.
By the time I was in junior high; pulling apart my toys and my Dad’s tools had turned into pulling apart my thoughts and actions; developing a philosophy, if you will. I had no clue how to go about developing this philosophy, but I was subconsciously building on it.
As my ideals were becoming somewhat solidified, they were forming around what I would call the typical ”American dream.“ To say the least my parents were concerned. Not to say that they didn’t struggle with the ideals of the “American dream,” but they could see me going down a path my brother and sister had paved before me, a path that almost killed my sister and deeply wounded my brother.
Sex. Drugs. Lust. Pride. Depression. Hatred.
My parents forced me to go to church (in hindsight this action saved my life.) I didn’t want to go. It meant nothing to me. I did a lot of really messed up stuff during my high school years. I will probably write about those things eventually, but this post is about my developing philosophy.
Something was missing in my church back home, specifically in the youth group. It was a social club, yet another place for teenagers to bring their high school drama. I needed more. We all needed more. We all needed to see, live and breathe the gospel of Jesus Christ. I didn’t know how to make this happen. All I could see was hypocrisy. It was suffocating. I could see my own hypocrisy. It was depressing. I’m not really sure where the blame lies. So I’m just going to blame it on the sin of our fallen world.
So I left. I had to get out. I needed to breathe. I was 18 and done. I felt as if all of the philosophy that had been pressed into me was a lie. The church was so political and I knew it was wrong. It was sin. I believed God was real, but I knew that this couldn’t possibly be what he wanted for his Church.
I began to once again pursue this “American dream.” Majoring in business, and reading/studying as many financial books as possible. I had worked my way up to Store Manager of a local business and was beginning to have ideas of grandeur. As I began to gear up to chase after this opulence; God started working behind the scenes (not to suggest that God wasn’t always working behind the scenes, but things were really moving!)
I was offered a 9 to 5 desk job, drawing for a land surveying company. It was a fun job, but I quickly learned that I was never meant for the desk and the desk was never meant for me. This was a crucial turning point in my life! I did something that was so Anti-American dream that I was almost ashamed of myself… I took a large pay cut and began working at a specialty coffee shop. This move in jobs made me view money in a totally different way. Money was now secondary to feeling happy and content. About 6 months after this, God spoke. I really wasn’t expecting this! I wasn’t following after him, but nevertheless, God spoke. He told me to go back and face the church that I despised so much. God told me to go back and live rightly among them and take a stand for what was right.
About this time a read a few books that God used to continue speaking into my life. Under the Overpass and Irresistible Revolution. These books further encouraged me to continue living rightly. Even before I read these books I felt God starting to call me into a specific kind of ministry. God was telling me to plant a church within a coffee shop (I’m still not quite sure where or even what this will look like exactly.)
Some friends of mine in Dallas told me about an internship in Muncie, Indiana that was focused on doing business and ministry hand in hand. Believe it or not their business model is focused on the coffee industry! I went out for a visit and knew that God was calling me to move there.
So here I am. I work in progress. I am a mess, but truly believe that God holds everything together (Colossians 1:17.) This post was a bit jumbled and after a while I will speak to specific views and beliefs regarding my philosophies, but this is how this post turned out so I think I will just leave it at that.
